Last Saturday, we gathered to honor the life of my sister, Carolyn Patricia Miles, at her memorial service. It was a moment filled with both sorrow and deep reflection. Carolyn was not just a sister but a pillar of strength, compassion, love and kindness. Her battle with pancreatic cancer showcased her incredible resilience and indomitable spirit.
Carolyn’s life was a testament to the power of love and acceptance, values she held dear and practiced daily. These values are poignantly captured in a poem she chose for her memorial service, “Accepting This” by Mark Nepo. The poem reflects Carolyn’s understanding of life, suffering, and compassion and offers wisdom that is especially relevant in today’s turbulent times.
As we were reflecting on Carolyn’s life and her incredible journey, the news broke about the failed assassination attempt on former President Donald Trump. This shocking event starkly highlighted the deep divisions within our society. It reminded us how polarized we have become, where differences are often met with hostility rather than understanding. It underscored the urgent need for unity and compassion—qualities that Carolyn exemplified throughout her life.
In this article, I want to delve into the significance of Mark Nepo’s poem and how Carolyn’s choice of this poem serves as a call for unity and compassion in these divisive times. We live in a world where binary perspectives dominate, and events like the assassination attempt only deepen the chasms between us. Carolyn’s legacy, combined with the wisdom of Nepo’s poem, offers a path forward—a way to bridge our divides through love, acceptance, and everyday acts of compassion.
Join me as we explore how we can honor Carolyn’s memory by embracing these values and working towards a more unified and compassionate world.
Personal Reflection on Carolyn’s Life and Values – Living with Love and Kindness
Reflecting on my sister Carolyn’s life, I am filled with admiration for her grace, compassion, and resilience. Carolyn lived with an acceptance of life’s imperfections and a deep appreciation for its beauty, a philosophy that shaped her entire journey.
Carolyn’s adventurous spirit and innate desire to make a difference were evident from a young age. One of my favorite memories is from 1985, when she became involved with “Peace Child” at the height of tensions between the US and the Soviet Union. At just 12, she was part of a delegation that traveled to Moscow to perform “Peace Child,” a musical play advocating for disarmament and global understanding. This transformative experience profoundly shaped her worldview, instilling a lifelong dedication to promoting peace and unity.
After this formative experience, Carolyn attended Indiana University, where she majored in Russian Studies and Political Science. She chose these fields because she believed in the power of compassion and understanding to heal even the deepest divides. Her time at Indiana University was just the beginning of her commitment to these ideals.
Upon graduating, Carolyn worked for the National Democratic Institute (NDI), where she helped foster democratic values throughout the former Soviet Union. Her dedication to promoting unity and understanding in a region marked by repression exemplified her ability to find joy and meaning even in difficult times. Carolyn’s quest for knowledge led her to earn a master’s degree in International Affairs from Columbia University, focusing on International Economic Policy. She aimed to use this knowledge to spread unity and compassion globally, guiding her through roles at the State Department, Cambridge Energy Research Associates, and the Abernathy MacGregor Group.
Eventually, Carolyn settled in Austin, Texas, where she became a Director with Public Strategies and spent 12 years working at the University of Texas at Austin. Her work at the McCombs School of Business, the Lyndon B. Johnson School of Public Affairs, and the Dell Medical School was marked by a relentless pursuit of excellence and a deep commitment to improving the institutions she served.
Despite her successful career, Carolyn always felt a void—a deep yearning to serve others more directly. This desire took on new urgency when she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Rather than letting this diagnosis define her, Carolyn continued her education, enrolling in a master’s program in Social Work at the University of Texas.
She juggled her studies and treatments with remarkable resilience, driven by a desire to use her experiences to help others. Carolyn’s journey is a powerful example of becoming Passion Struck, demonstrating that it is never too late to pursue one’s true calling and make a profound impact. Her battle with cancer only strengthened her resolve, showing that personal adversity can be transformed into a powerful force for positive change.
Throughout her illness, Carolyn’s primary motivation was her son, Miles, who became the cornerstone of her life. She fought cancer with every ounce of strength she had, determined to be there for him and to continue her mission of helping others. As a mother, sister, Aunt, and friend, Carolyn’s compassion and strength gave hope to all who knew her.
Carolyn’s life was filled with acts of compassion. She never shied away from helping others, even when she was battling her own challenges. Her example teaches us that compassion is not about grand gestures but everyday actions showing love and care for those around us. Whether it was supporting her colleagues, volunteering in her community, or simply being there for her family and friends, Carolyn’s acts of kindness were countless and deeply impactful.
Testimonials from those who knew Carolyn best highlight her extraordinary character. They speak of her unwavering support, infectious enthusiasm for life, and deep empathy for others. She was a person who made everyone feel valued and understood, who brought out the best in people, and who lived her values every day.
Carolyn’s ability to find joy and meaning, even in the most challenging times, is a lesson for all of us. Her acceptance of life’s flaws and her deep appreciation for its beauty made her a truly remarkable person. Her journey from an adventurous young girl involved in Peace Child to a dedicated professional and loving mother battling cancer is a story of incredible strength and unyielding hope. She leaves a legacy that inspires us to embrace these values and continue working towards a more unified and compassionate world.
The Poem “Accepting This” by Mark Nepo
To further honor Carolyn’s life and values, I want to introduce you to a poem she chose for her memorial service, “Accepting This” by Mark Nepo. This poem profoundly reflects the philosophy Carolyn embraced and lived by.
Introduction to the Poem and Its Author
Mark Nepo is a poet, author, and spiritual teacher whose work focuses on inner transformation and the healing power of love and compassion. His writings often explore the human condition, offering insights into how we can navigate life’s challenges with grace and understanding.
Accepting This
Yes, it is true. I confess,
I have thought great thoughts,
and sung great songs—all of it
rehearsal for the majesty
of being held.
The dream is awakened
when thinking I love you
and life begins
when saying I love you
and joy moves like blood
when embracing others with love.
My efforts now turn
from trying to outrun suffering
to accepting love wherever
I can find it.
Stripped of causes and plans
and things to strive for,
I have discovered everything
I could need or ask for
is right here—
in flawed abundance.
We cannot eliminate hunger,
but we can feed each other.
We cannot eliminate loneliness,
but we can hold each other.
We cannot eliminate pain,
but we can live a life
of compassion.
Ultimately,
we are small living things
awakened in the stream,
not gods who carve out rivers.
Like human fish,
we are asked to experience
meaning in the life that moves
through the gill of our heart.
There is nothing to do
and nowhere to go.
Accepting this,
we can do everything
and go anywhere.
—Mark Nepo
Thoughts to Actions
Nepo’s poem conveys a powerful message about transforming thoughts into actions. The lines, “The dream is awakened / when thinking I love you / and life begins / when saying I love you,” illustrate how love, when actively expressed, brings about a profound awakening. This transformation is about moving from the abstract to the tangible—turning noble thoughts into everyday actions of love and kindness. Carolyn lived this transformation every day. Her thoughts of compassion and peace were not just ideas but guiding principles she actively expressed through her work, studies, and interactions with others.
Acceptance Over Striving
The poem also emphasizes a significant shift from striving for unattainable goals to accepting and appreciating the flawed abundance around us. Nepo writes, “Stripped of causes and plans / and things to strive for, / I have discovered everything / I could need or ask for / is right here— / in flawed abundance.” Carolyn embodied this acceptance. Despite the challenges she faced, including her battle with cancer, she found joy and meaning in the present moment, embracing life’s imperfections and appreciating its beauty. This acceptance allowed her to live fully and meaningfully without the constant pressure of striving for perfection.
Compassion as a Universal Remedy
Nepo’s poem speaks to the universal remedy of compassion. “We cannot eliminate hunger, / but we can feed each other. / We cannot eliminate loneliness, / but we can hold each other. / We cannot eliminate pain, / but we can live a life / of compassion.” These lines address the reality that while we cannot eradicate all suffering, we can alleviate it through our compassionate actions.
Carolyn’s life was a testament to this belief. She demonstrated that small acts of kindness and support could make a significant difference, even when grand solutions were out of reach. In our current societal divide, where divisiveness often leads to suffering, this message is more relevant than ever. We can bridge divides and foster unity by choosing to feed, hold, and live compassionately.
Finding Meaning in Our Shared Humanity
Nepo’s metaphor of humans as “small living things awakened in the stream” underscores our shared human experience and interconnectedness. This imagery reminds us that we are all part of a larger whole, not isolated individuals. Carolyn understood this deeply. Her work in promoting peace, her dedication to helping others, and her ability to find joy and meaning in her connections with people all reflected her belief in our shared humanity. In a world that often emphasizes differences, this poem and Carolyn’s life encourage us to recognize our commonalities and find meaning in our collective experiences.
Carolyn chose “Accepting This” for her memorial service because it resonated with her values and philosophy. The poem’s themes of turning thoughts into actions, accepting flawed abundance, and living a life of compassion were central to how she lived. Her daily acts of love and kindness were a reflection of the poem’s message that while we cannot eliminate all suffering, we can choose to act with compassion and make a difference in the lives of those around us.
The Current Polarized Climate
Reflecting on Carolyn’s life and the wisdom of Mark Nepo’s poem is especially poignant given the current polarized climate we find ourselves in. The recent failed assassination attempt on former President Donald Trump starkly highlighted this. This shocking event underscores the deep divisions within our society and the urgent need for unity and compassion.
Analysis of the Current Polarized State of the World
Our world is more divided than ever, with conflicts and tensions spanning the globe. From the war between Israel and Hamas to the ongoing conflict between Ukraine and Russia, and the rising tensions between the United States, China, Iran, and North Korea, divisiveness is a common thread. These conflicts illustrate how deeply entrenched divisions can lead to violence, suffering, and misunderstanding on a global scale.
Economic turmoil is spreading across the globe, leading to protests, attempted coups, and the election of extremist politicians on both the far-right and far-left. This is seen in both poor and rich countries alike, where deep economic anxieties are leaving a trail of political turmoil and violence. Protests have erupted in Greece, Portugal, Belgium, and Germany. Outside Berlin in March, farmers spread manure on a highway, causing several crashes. In France, they burned hay, dumped manure in Nice’s City Hall, and hung the carcass of a wild boar outside a labor inspection office in Agen (Ah John).
The economic anxieties are adding to divisions between rural and urban dwellers, unskilled and college-educated workers, and religious traditionalists and secularists. In France, Italy, Germany, and Sweden, extremist politicians have seized on this dissatisfaction to promote nationalist and anti-immigrant agendas on the far-right, and radical economic and social reforms on the far-left.
The Consequences of a Divided Society
Living in such a divided society has dire consequences. It leads to increased violence, as seen in the attempt on Trump’s life, and a general breakdown in social cohesion. When people see each other as enemies rather than fellow citizens, the potential for constructive dialogue and problem-solving diminishes. This division not only threatens our democratic processes but also our ability to come together to address common challenges. Growth is slowing worldwide, making it harder to find solutions and exacerbating the existing tensions.
The Urgent Need for Unity and Compassion
In light of these divisions, there is an urgent need for unity and compassion. As Mark Nepo’s poem and Carolyn’s life illustrate, we cannot eliminate all suffering, but we can alleviate it through our actions. Empathy and understanding are crucial in bridging the divides that separate us. By focusing on what unites us rather than what divides us, we can begin to heal and move forward as a society.
Applying Carolyn’s Legacy and the Poem’s Message to Today’s World
Mark Nepo’s poem “Accepting This” provides a profound roadmap for unity, urging us to embrace our flaws and focus on love and compassion. By accepting the imperfections in ourselves and others, we open the door to greater understanding and cooperation. The poem teaches us that the transformative power of love and compassion can make a significant difference in our daily lives and the world. Reflecting on Carolyn’s life, we see these principles in action, which can guide us through today’s global challenges.
Thoughts to Actions: Transforming Ideals into Practice
Nepo’s poem emphasizes the transformation of thoughts into actions. The lines, “The dream is awakened / when thinking I love you / and life begins / when saying I love you,” illustrate how love, when actively expressed, brings about a profound awakening. Applying this principle globally means that world leaders, policymakers, and citizens must turn their thoughts of peace and understanding into tangible actions that foster dialogue and reconciliation. For instance, nations can collaborate on shared goals such as climate change mitigation and public health initiatives instead of focusing on ideological differences.
Compassion as a Universal Remedy
Nepo’s poem speaks to the universal remedy of compassion. “We cannot eliminate hunger, / but we can feed each other. / We cannot eliminate loneliness, / but we can hold each other. / We cannot eliminate pain, / but we can live a life / of compassion.” These lines highlight that while we cannot solve all global problems overnight, we can make significant strides by focusing on compassion. In the context of international conflicts, prioritizing humanitarian aid, supporting refugee populations, and fostering dialogue that prioritizes human welfare over political gain can help alleviate suffering and promote unity. By choosing to feed, hold, and live compassionately, we can bridge divides and foster a more harmonious global community.
Finding Meaning in Our Shared Humanity
Nepo’s metaphor of humans as “small living things awakened in the stream” underscores our shared human experience and interconnectedness. This imagery reminds us that we are all part of a larger whole, not isolated individuals. Carolyn understood this deeply. Her work in promoting peace, her dedication to helping others, and her ability to find joy and meaning in her connections with people all reflected her belief in our shared humanity. Recognizing our common humanity can help de-escalate conflicts and build bridges between divided communities and nations.
Moving Forward: Embracing Compassion and Acceptance
As we navigate the current polarized climate, let us draw inspiration from Carolyn’s life and the wisdom of Mark Nepo’s poem. By transforming our thoughts into compassionate actions, accepting the imperfections around us, and recognizing our shared humanity, we can work toward a more unified and compassionate world.
Conclusion
In this article, I explored the profound lessons from Mark Nepo’s poem “Accepting This” and how they resonate deeply with the life of my sister, Carolyn. We discussed the current polarized climate and the urgent need for unity and compassion amidst global conflicts and economic turmoil. I emphasized the importance of transforming thoughts into actions, embracing flawed abundance, and finding meaning in our shared humanity. We also highlighted practical steps to foster unity and compassion in our daily lives and communities.
Honoring Carolyn’s legacy means embodying the values she lived by—love, acceptance, and compassion. She showed us that small, consistent acts of kindness can make a significant impact. By living these values, we can bridge divides, promote understanding, and create a more unified world.
I urge you to take these lessons to heart. Embrace compassion and acceptance in your interactions, seek to understand different perspectives, and actively work towards unity in your communities. Together, we can honor Carolyn’s memory and build a better, more compassionate world.
Thank you for joining me in this meaningful conversation. I invite you to continue the discussion on social media and stay tuned for future episodes of the Passion Struck podcast, where we will delve deeper into these important topics. Let’s keep the spirit of love and kindness alive in everything we do.
