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In 2001, at the height of her fame, Winona Ryder was caught shoplifting more than $5,500 worth of goods from Saks Fifth Avenue in Beverly Hills. What actually damaged her career was not the theft. It was the excuse: a director had told her to do it, she claimed, for research on an upcoming role.
The moment that excuse left her mouth, it transformed a sympathetic story about a troubled person into something far more damaging — evidence of someone unwilling to own their choices. Her career, which had survived the incident itself, did not survive the excuse.
I have spent years studying intentional living, and I have come to believe that Benjamin Franklin had it exactly right: ‘He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.’ But understanding the dangers of making excuses requires going deeper than a maxim. It requires understanding why we make them in the first place.
Psychologists classify excuse-making as a form of ‘self-handicapping’ — a behavior that protects our ego at the cost of our growth. Research from the University of Florida found that excuses function as a psychological buffer: they shift focus from a threat to our self-concept (I failed because I am incompetent) to an external explanation (I failed because of circumstances). In the short term, this reduces anxiety and preserves self-esteem.
The problem is that it also prevents learning, erodes accountability, and — over time — trains you to see yourself as a passenger in your own life rather than the driver.
Psychologists have identified three primary sources of excuse-making:
Fear is the most common root. Fear of failure, rejection, or being judged inadequate activates protective rationalization before the situation even resolves.
Indecision produces a different variety of excuse. When we cannot commit to a course of action, excuses become a way of staying in motion without actually moving.
Failure to take responsibility is the most corrosive form. When we systematically attribute our outcomes to external forces, we relinquish the sense of agency that makes growth possible.
Your growth stalls. Every excuse is a closed loop — a narrative in which nothing you did caused the problem, so nothing you do differently will prevent it from happening again.
Your credibility erodes. A study published in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology found that detrimental excuses cause observers to perceive the excuse-maker as deceitful and self-absorbed.
Your self-respect diminishes. The gap between what you told yourself and what you actually did registers — quietly and persistently — as a form of self-betrayal.
Your relationships suffer. When you make an excuse to a colleague, partner, or client, you are telling them their experience matters less than your need to protect your image.
Your potential shrinks. Every excuse narrows the scope of what you are willing to attempt. The trajectory is one of progressive contraction.
When you feel the impulse to explain away a failure, pause and name what is happening: ‘I am about to make an excuse.’ The act of labeling activates your prefrontal cortex and interrupts the semi-automatic rationalization process.
Own your results — including the ones shaped by circumstances beyond your control. The question is not ‘whose fault was this?’ but ‘given this outcome, what do I do differently?’ This is a skill, not an inborn trait, and it builds through practice.
Behavior scientist Katy Milkman at the Wharton School has shown that tracking is one of the most effective tools for changing habitual behavior. Keeping an honest record of when you made an excuse — and what you were trying to avoid — illuminates the patterns driving them.
Pre-commitment strategies — declaring what you will do before the temptation to do otherwise arises — are among the best-validated techniques in behavioral science for improving follow-through.
Deliberately asking ‘what can I do given this situation?’ rather than ‘why is this situation not different?’ builds the habit of solution-orientation over excuse-making.
We are shaped by the standards of the people around us. Seek out relationships where honest feedback is normal, where results are owned and discussed, and where excuses are gently but clearly called out.
Psychologist Ayelet Fishbach at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business found that people are most likely to slip into excuse-making in the middle of pursuing a goal. Set deliberate sub-goals that break the middle into smaller units of accountability.
When you notice the impulse to explain away a result, replace the explanation with a question. Instead of ‘it did not work because [external factor]’ try ‘what would I have needed to do differently for this to work?’
The dangers of making excuses include stalled personal growth, eroded credibility with others, diminished self-respect, damaged relationships, and a progressively narrowing sense of what you are capable of.
People make excuses primarily to protect their self-concept from the anxiety and shame that accompany failure or criticism. The three most common roots are fear of failure or judgment, indecision, and failure to take responsibility.
A reason is an honest account of what happened. An excuse is a selective version of events designed to minimize personal responsibility. An honest reason acknowledges both circumstances and personal choices.
Track when excuses arise and what triggers them. Once you know your triggers, address them through better preparation, honest communication, and a deliberate shift toward accountability language.
Not all excuses are equally harmful. The crucial difference is whether the excuse is honest or distorting. Honest explanations of what went wrong are learning — not excuses.
Excuses signal that you prioritize protecting your image over honesty and accountability. Repeated excuse-making erodes trust, reduces respect, and damages the mutual reliability that healthy relationships depend on.
You cannot live intentionally while making excuses. The two are mutually exclusive, because intentional living requires honest self-assessment — a clear-eyed look at the gap between where you are and where you want to be.
Every excuse closes that gap artificially. It tells a story in which the gap is not your responsibility. And that story, repeated enough, becomes the structure of your life.
If you are ready to take ownership — of your choices, your patterns, and your potential — I explore this in depth in my book Passion Struck, in my keynote work with Fortune 500 organizations, and in episodes of the Passion Struck podcast. You can explore how I work with corporate leaders here.
John R. Miles is a culture and mattering keynote speaker, motivational speaker, leadership development expert, bestselling author, human performance coach, and host of the award-winning Passion Struck podcast.
