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Ever felt like you’re just going through the motions, a tiny fish in an endless ocean of routines and expectations? We’ve all been there, navigating the vastness of life, sometimes feeling lost and insignificant.
But here’s the transformative truth — you are more than just a small part of this vast cosmos. You have the potential to become Passion Struck, to ignite the spark of self-belief and purpose within you. Finding your “matter meter” is your first step toward a life of confidence and intentionality.
Your journey towards embracing your true self begins with recognizing your inherent worthiness. Despite the world’s noise and naysayers, it’s crucial to remember: Your value is not diminished by others’ failure to recognize your brilliance.
This path is not about ego or arrogance; it’s about discovering and living in harmony with your authentic self, the very essence of becoming Passion Struck. Stay tuned as I explore why feeling valued boosts confidence, how to cultivate self-compassion, understand internal vs external validation and create supportive networks for success—essentially mastering the art of mattering! Welcome to the path of becoming Passion Struck – where every individual’s unique spark matters profoundly.
At its core, mattering is the deep-seated belief that you are valued by others and that your actions make a meaningful impact on the world around you.
Believing that you matter is like having a secret weapon. It’s this inner conviction, an unshakeable faith, that tells you, “Hey, I count.” This belief shapes your self-confidence and molds how you see yourself.
But let’s delve deeper: what does ‘mattering’ truly mean? At its core, it’s the sense that others value us and that our presence has weight and significance. When we feel that we matter to someone, it nurtures our self-esteem and fortifies our self-assurance.
Realize your inner worth — it’s a game-changer. This conviction, that you’re significant to others, acts as a compass guiding you through life’s rough seas and smooth sailings. — John R. Miles
You might wonder, “How can believing in my own significance enhance my confidence?” Imagine for a moment your life as a ship navigating the expansive ocean of experiences. Each wave represents the challenges and opportunities that life presents. In this journey, your sense of mattering is like a compass, guiding you through rough seas while also letting you enjoy smooth sailings.
If you ever thought, ‘Do I even make any difference?’, welcome aboard. We’ve all been there at some point — questioning our worthiness amidst societal expectations and pressures. But let me tell you something surprising — this questioning isn’t necessarily bad.
In fact, such questions could serve as wake-up calls, pushing us towards realizing our true value — an essential step for nurturing self-confidence. So, rather than shying away from these unsettling thoughts, why not use them as stepping stones toward recognizing our significance?
Your Matter Meter is an internal gauge that measures how much you believe in your own intrinsic worth. Unlike external markers of success—such as job titles, income, or social media followers—your Matter Meter measures internal alignment.
Low Matter Meter —> Relying on External Approval & Constant Validation
High Matter Meter —> Rooted in Core Character, Impact, & Intrinsic Worth
The “Matter Meter” represents a personal gauge or measurement of how much you believe in your own worth and significance. It’s a way of assessing how much you feel you matter in the various aspects of your life, such as in your relationships, career, or personal growth. The idea is to help individuals understand and recognize their intrinsic value and how this belief (or lack thereof) impacts their self-confidence and overall outlook on life.
Practice Targeted Self-Reflection: Regularly audit your thoughts. Identify the core strengths, passions, and values that define you outside of your professional output.
Separate Worth From Output: Recognize that external markers like status or wealth are secondary. True worth stems from your character and how you treat others.
Challenge the Inner Critic: Identify negative self-talk and actively replace it with realistic, supportive commentary.
Seek Constructive Feedback: Ask trusted friends or mentors for their honest perspective on your strengths and contributions. Seeing yourself through their eyes can highlight blind spots of value you overlook.
Acknowledge Small Wins: Celebrate micro-achievements. Recognizing small daily contributions reinforces your internal belief that your presence carries weight.
Align Actions with Values: Ensure your daily calendar reflects what you claim to care about. Congruence between beliefs and behavior creates sustainable confidence.
To maintain a healthy Matter Meter, you must understand where your validation originates.
| Feature | External Validation | Intrinsic (Internal) Validation |
| Primary Source | Likes, compliments, titles, public approval | Internal satisfaction, personal growth, alignment |
| Durability | Temporary; requires constant updating | Long-lasting; builds a stable foundation |
| Vulnerability | High; subject to opinions of others | Low; resilient against criticism and rejection |
| Core Question | “Do they think I am successful?” | “Am I living true to my values |
As I discuss in my upcoming book “Passion Struck,” self-reflection is akin to shining a light on your inner world, illuminating the strengths, passions, and values that define you. It’s about peering beyond the surface to recognize your intrinsic worth, which often remains unseen in the hustle of everyday life. Through this process, you gain clarity about your thoughts and feelings, fostering a deeper sense of self-assurance.
Self-reflection isn’t just about introspection; it’s your gateway to recognizing your true worth. — John R. Miles
This newfound confidence becomes your internal compass, steering your decisions and actions toward authenticity, in line with your true self rather than societal expectations.
Discovering your true worth transcends materialistic measures like wealth or social media popularity. Instead, it involves understanding the unique blend of skills, talents, and experiences that only YOU bring to the table.
Self-esteem is an evaluation of your personal worth and skills (“Am I good at this?”). Mattering is an evaluation of your social significance and impact (“Do I count to others, and am I making a difference?”).
Feeling like you don’t matter usually stems from over-relying on external validation, being surrounded by unsupportive relationships, or dealing with unexamined shame—a state I refer to as Shameflammation.
Set aside 5 to 10 minutes daily to write down three actions you took that positively impacted someone else, and identify the personal qualities (e.g., empathy, patience, problem-solving) that drove those actions.
Realizing that you matter is the foundational step toward building authentic self-confidence, emotional resilience, and deep fulfillment.
Acknowledge your intrinsic worth: Your value is inherent; it does not depend on external approval.
Find your Matter Meter: Use introspection, feedback, and alignment to gauge your growth.
Shift to intrinsic validation: Focus on doing meaningful work rather than chasing public applause.
Nurture self-compassion: Replace harsh self-criticism with self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness.
Build your tribe: Surround yourself with people who recognize your value and inspire you to grow.
To dive deeper into these concepts and solidify your journey towards conquering self-doubt, pre-order my new book and gain access to an e-book I’ve developed that guides you step by step in your quest to overcome self-doubt.
I also wrote about Shameflammation, which is essential for helping you learn how to identify and conquer your inner demons.
Thank you for taking the time to engage with my perspectives. May your journey be filled with joy, growth, and fulfillment.
As a new reader, please check my personal growth and well-being stories reflecting my reviews, observations, and decades of research and interviews.
The Power of Choice, Overcoming Traumatic Brain Injury, Reverse Aging, Significance, Optimal Anxiety, Person of Courage, The Power of Hope, Being Stuck, Curiosity, Awe, 5 AM Club, Strong Moral Compass, Psychological Immune System, Playing The Long Game, Drama Addiction, Trust Building Exercises, Taking The Road Less Traveled, Why Passion is the New Currency, Unreseasonable Hospitality, Five Senses, Digital Addiction, When to Quit, Effortless Perfection, Mental Immunity, Sensory Experiences, The Value of Struggle, Overcome Challenges, Victim Mentality, Anger Management, Gratitude, Vulnerability, Free Will, and the Power of Asking.
You might find more information about my professional background. You can listen to the #1 Alternative Health Podcast, Passion Struck, with John R. Miles. You may join Medium with my referral link to enjoy unlimited content.
Explore the Book: Learn more about building a life of meaning and purpose in my upcoming book, The Mattering Effect.
John R. Miles is a culture and mattering keynote speaker, motivational speaker, leadership development expert, bestselling author, human performance coach, and host of the award-winning Passion Struck podcast.
