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Find your matter meter Thumbnail about anti-mattering and the need to feel like you matter

Discover Your Matter Meter: Why Mattering is the Key to a Passion-Struck Life


Ever felt like you’re just going through the motions, a tiny fish in an endless ocean of routines and expectations? We’ve all been there, navigating the vastness of life, sometimes feeling lost and insignificant.

But here’s the transformative truth — you are more than just a small part of this vast cosmos. You have the potential to become Passion Struck, to ignite the spark of self-belief and purpose within you. Finding your “matter meter” is your first step toward a life of confidence and intentionality.

Your journey towards embracing your true self begins with recognizing your inherent worthiness. Despite the world’s noise and naysayers, it’s crucial to remember: Your value is not diminished by others’ failure to recognize your brilliance.

This path is not about ego or arrogance; it’s about discovering and living in harmony with your authentic self, the very essence of becoming Passion Struck.  Stay tuned as I explore why feeling valued boosts confidence, how to cultivate self-compassion, understand internal vs external validation and create supportive networks for success—essentially mastering the art of mattering! Welcome to the path of becoming Passion Struck – where every individual’s unique spark matters profoundly.

 The Concept of Mattering in Self-Confidence

Believing that you matter is like having a secret weapon. It’s this inner conviction, an unshakeable faith, that tells you, “Hey, I count.” This belief shapes your self-confidence and molds how you see yourself.

But let’s delve deeper: what does ‘mattering’ truly mean? At its core, it’s the sense that others value us and that our presence has weight and significance. When we feel that we matter to someone, it nurtures our self-esteem and fortifies our self-assurance.

Realize your inner worth — it’s a game-changer. This conviction, that you’re significant to others, acts as a compass guiding you through life’s rough seas and smooth sailings. — John R. Miles

You might wonder, “How can believing in my own significance enhance my confidence?” Imagine for a moment your life as a ship navigating the expansive ocean of experiences. Each wave represents the challenges and opportunities that life presents. In this journey, your sense of mattering is like a compass, guiding you through rough seas while also letting you enjoy smooth sailings.

If you ever thought, ‘Do I even make any difference?’, welcome aboard. We’ve all been there at some point — questioning our worthiness amidst societal expectations and pressures. But let me tell you something surprising — this questioning isn’t necessarily bad.

In fact, such questions could serve as wake-up calls, pushing us towards realizing our true value — an essential step for nurturing self-confidence. So, rather than shying away from these unsettling thoughts, why not use them as stepping stones toward recognizing our significance?

Finding Your Matter Meter

Your “Matter Meter” — the level at which you feel significant — plays a vital role in shaping your self-confidence. But it’s not something you can get off the shelf at Target or order from Amazon Prime. You’ve got to dig deep within yourself to find it.

The “Matter Meter” represents a personal gauge or measurement of how much you believe in your own worth and significance. It’s a way of assessing how much you feel you matter in the various aspects of your life, such as in your relationships, career, or personal growth. The idea is to help individuals understand and recognize their intrinsic value and how this belief (or lack thereof) impacts their self-confidence and overall outlook on life.

Finding your Matter Meter involves several steps:

1. Self-Reflection: Engage in introspection to understand your feelings, thoughts, and beliefs about yourself. Reflect on your strengths, achievements, and values. Consider what makes you feel valuable and appreciated.

2. Understanding Your Value: Recognize that external factors like social status, wealth, or the opinions of others don’t determine your worth. Your value comes from your character, actions, and impact on the people and world around you.

3. Overcoming Self-Doubt: Identify and challenge your negative beliefs about yourself. Replace self-critical thoughts with more positive and realistic ones. Understand that doubts and fears are common, but they don’t define your true worth.

4. Seeking Feedback: Sometimes, it can be helpful to ask trusted friends, family members, or colleagues for their honest perceptions of your strengths and contributions. This feedback can offer a different perspective and help reinforce your sense of value.

5. Acknowledging Achievements: Celebrate your successes, no matter how small. Acknowledging your achievements helps to build self-confidence and reinforce your sense of mattering.

6. Aligning Actions with Values: Live in a way that reflects your values and beliefs. When your actions are congruent with what you believe in, it reinforces your sense of self-worth and purpose.

Finding your Matter Meter is an ongoing process. It’s about continually nurturing your self-belief and recognizing your unique qualities and abilities that make you matter in this world.

This journey aligns with the essence of becoming Passion Struck. It’s about uncovering your unique value, harnessing it, and steering your life’s ship with the compass of self-belief and purpose. As we embrace this journey, we affirm our significance and inspire others to recognize and celebrate their own.

Self-Reflection and Discovering Your True Value

You might be wondering, “What’s so special about self-reflection?” Well, let me tell you a little secret. Self-reflection is like holding up a mirror to your soul. It lets you see what others can’t: your true value.

We often diminish our own value by constantly comparing ourselves to others. Embrace your uniqueness, for you are the most extraordinary person you will ever meet.

The Essence of Self-Reflection

As I discuss in my upcoming book “Passion Struck,” self-reflection is akin to shining a light on your inner world, illuminating the strengths, passions, and values that define you. It’s about peering beyond the surface to recognize your intrinsic worth, which often remains unseen in the hustle of everyday life. Through this process, you gain clarity about your thoughts and feelings, fostering a deeper sense of self-assurance.

Self-reflection isn’t just about introspection; it’s your gateway to recognizing your true worth. — John R. Miles

This newfound confidence becomes your internal compass, steering your decisions and actions toward authenticity, in line with your true self rather than societal expectations.

Discovering your true worth transcends materialistic measures like wealth or social media popularity. Instead, it involves understanding the unique blend of skills, talents, and experiences that only YOU bring to the table.

  • Your kindness could help someone through their darkest days,
  • Your creativity could inspire millions,
  • Your resilience may motivate others never to give up, even when life gets tough.

A Simple Exercise To Uncover Your Intrinsic Worth

If I’ve piqued your interest now (I hope I have.), here’s an easy exercise for discovering your value:

1. Reflect on three recent actions where you positively impacted someone’s life. It could range from offering a listening ear to a friend to preparing a meal for your family.

2. Contemplate the qualities these actions reveal about you. Are they indicative of your empathy, generosity, or compassion?

As you uncover these attributes, you’re not just acknowledging your actions; you’re embracing the core of who you are. In doing so, you’re taking a significant step towards living a Passion Struck life, one where every action and choice resonates with your true self, fueling a life of purpose and fulfillment.

The Benefits Of Embracing Your Worth

Understanding and acknowledging your intrinsic value is not just a feel-good exercise; it’s a transformative process with profound impacts across various facets of your life. This self-recognition, brings about a cascade of positive changes:

  • Enhanced Self-Esteem: When you recognize and embrace your unique value, it naturally bolsters your self-esteem. You begin to see yourself more positively, appreciating your abilities and contributions.
  • Enhanced Mental Well-being: This recognition plays a pivotal role in improving your mental health. Understanding your worth reduces feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt, paving the way for a healthier mindset.
  • Fostering Stronger Relationships: Acknowledging your value sets a benchmark for how you expect to be treated by others. It encourages you to cultivate relationships that are respectful, supportive, and aligned with your sense of self-worth.
  • Boosted Resilience: Knowing your worth equips you with the strength to rebound from challenges more effectively. You become more resilient, viewing setbacks as opportunities for growth rather than insurmountable obstacles.
  • Informed Decision-Making: With a firm grasp of your intrinsic value, your decisions align more with your beliefs and aspirations. You’re more likely to make choices that reflect your true self and advance your goals.
  • Heightened Life Satisfaction: Recognizing and embracing your value often leads to a more profound sense of fulfillment and fulfillment. It allows you to live more authentically, pursuing paths that resonate with your inner values and aspirations.

In essence, realizing your worth is a critical step towards living a Passion Struck life — a life characterized by intentionality, purpose, and a deep sense of fulfillment. It’s about honoring your true self and allowing that recognition to guide you toward a richer, more meaningful existence.

Embracing Self-Compassion: The Passion Struck Way to Self-Worth

In the journey of living a Passion Struck life, learning to cultivate self-compassion is akin to nurturing a vital part of your inner garden. It involves giving yourself the grace to be imperfect, embracing your humanity with all its flaws, and understanding that mistakes are universal experiences. Just as a compassionate friend might offer solace, you need to extend the same understanding and kindness to yourself.

Self-Kindness, Common Humanity, and Mindfulness are the pillars of self-compassion according to Dr. Kristin Neff, Associate Professor of Educational Psychology at the University of Texas and a pioneer in the field of self-compassion. These three components can help counteract negative self-talk or feelings of isolation. Practicing self-kindness means treating yourself with the same care and understanding you would offer to a loved one. Recognizing our common humanity allows us to see that we are not alone in our imperfections and struggles. Mindfulness encourages us to accept our present state without harsh judgment, facing our experiences with grace and openness.

Silencing Your Inner Critic: This internal voice, often critical and undermining, can be likened to an unwelcome guest at the party of your mind. The Passion Struck philosophy encourages you to acknowledge this inner critic, understanding its intent to protect, but then to assertively guide it towards more constructive and supportive commentary. Replace the harsh, self-critical thoughts with words of encouragement and affirmation, treating yourself with the kindness and respect you deserve.

By integrating these principles of self-compassion into your daily life, you not only enhance your self-worth but also align with the core values of living a Passion Struck life. It’s about honoring your true self, nurturing your inner garden with kindness, and acknowledging your worth. As you journey towards a life of purpose and passion, let self-compassion be your guiding light, leading you to a state of fulfillment and self-acceptance.

External Validation vs. Intrinsic Validation

We often find ourselves caught in the whirlwind of social acceptance, yearning for that nod of approval from others. This craving is what we call external validation – an assurance coming from outside us to confirm our worthiness. But there’s another kind of validation too – intrinsic or internal validation.

Intrinsic validation, unlike its counterpart, isn’t about the applause or nods you get from your circle; it’s more personal and profound than that. It’s a sense of satisfaction and self-approval stemming purely out of accomplishing something you’re passionate about.

External Validation: The Seductive Mirage

You might wonder why external validation can be so captivating? That’s because it’s tangible. It’s a compliment on your new dress at work or thousands of likes on your Instagram post – immediate feedback assuring us we matter. These moments provide a quick boost, affirming our significance in the eyes of others.

Passion Struck: Twelve Powerful Principles to Unlock Your Purpose and Ignite Your Most Intentional Life by John R. Miles with the Next Big Idea Club badge. Book is all about how to live with intentionality

Yet, this quest for external validation can be a slippery slope. When we place too much emphasis on others’ approval, our self-esteem starts to hinge on external feedback. This dependency risks our inner joy and confidence becoming entangled with, and vulnerable to, the changing tides of others’ opinions.

In striving to live a Passion Struck life, it’s essential to recognize the pitfalls of over-relying on external validation. While it’s natural to appreciate recognition, grounding our sense of worth in the approval of others can lead to an unstable foundation for our self-esteem and happiness.

Intrinsic Validation: The Core of Passion Struck Living

 Contrastingly, intrinsic validation is the cornerstone of living a Passion Struck life. It’s not about the external rewards or recognition but about finding fulfillment in the pursuit of your passions and living true to your values. This internal form of validation is deeply personal and enduring. It comes from the satisfaction of doing something meaningful, regardless of external acknowledgment. When you paint for the sheer joy of painting, run a marathon for the personal challenge, or embark on any endeavor driven by your inner passion – that’s intrinsic validation.

Embracing intrinsic validation enables you to become resilient against rejection and external judgments. It fosters a robust foundation of self-belief and confidence, allowing you to be the author of your own story. In a world that often measures worth through external benchmarks, “Passion Struck” advocates for a shift in perspective. Recognize and celebrate your efforts, your journey, and your personal growth, irrespective of external validation.

Building a Supportive Network

Your journey to believing in yourself is not meant to be walked alone. Building your tribe, or supportive network, can help you grow and stay on track. This team isn’t just there for high-fives and back-pats but also provides the push when things get tough.

The strength of your support system can make all the difference between achieving your dreams or watching them slip away. It’s like being part of a relay race; each person plays their part, helping propel you towards the finish line. They are the allies who understand and share your vision, who stand by you as you pursue your passions and live out your purpose.

This concept is backed by compelling research: a meta-study involving over 300,000 individuals demonstrates that a robust social network doesn’t just elevate mood; it significantly enhances longevity. This finding underscores the “Passion Struck” belief that our connections don’t merely enrich our lives emotionally; they are vital components of our overall well-being.

Finding Your Tribe

Identifying people who genuinely care about you and share similar values should be at the top of your list when building a supportive network. You want folks who believe in you even when self-doubt creeps in—a personal cheer squad ready to rally behind every leap forward.

You may already know these people—they could be family members, close friends, mentors from work or school—or they might still be waiting out there for you to discover them. Be open-minded during this process; sometimes support comes from unexpected places.

Maintaining Strong Relationships within Your Network

Sustaining these relationships requires effort—you’ve got to give as much as (or more than) what you receive—but trust me: it’s worth it. Just remember that everyone needs encouragement now and then—so don’t forget to cheer on your supporters too.

As Harvard Business Review puts it: “We all need people who will give us feedback. That’s how we improve.”

The Impact of a Supportive Network on Self-Belief

The presence of a supportive network plays a transformative role in bolstering self-belief. It acts as a mirror reflecting your potential and worth, especially when self-doubt clouds your judgment. These relationships provide not only emotional support but also practical insights and perspectives that can challenge and stretch your thinking.

Your tribe’s belief in you can act as a catalyst, inspiring confidence and courage to take risks and step out of your comfort zone. Their faith in your abilities can help you see your own strengths and capabilities more clearly, driving you to pursue your goals with greater conviction.

As you embark on your “Passion Struck” journey, remember that the strength of your tribe is instrumental. They’re not just there for the moments of victory but also for the times of trial. Like runners in a relay race, your tribe members pass the baton of motivation, wisdom, and resilience, each playing a pivotal role in helping you cross the finish line of your goals.

Therefore, as you forge your path toward a life of passion and purpose, cherish and nurture these connections. They are not just a luxury but a necessity, a foundational pillar of living a truly “Passion Struck” life.

Conclusion: Embrace Your Worth and Achieve Your Goals

Believing in yourself starts with acknowledging your worthiness. Remember, you’re more than a speck in the cosmos. Far more than just a fleeting moment in time.

Your self-confidence grows when you embrace this fact and live authentically from that place of belief. It’s about aligning your actions and choices with the authentic essence of who you are. Embrace the truth of your worthiness, and let it be the foundation upon which your self-assuredness is built.

Reflecting on your core essence is not just an act of introspection; it’s a powerful process of self-affirmation. Recognize and value your innate qualities and contributions, however big or small they may seem. Your journey towards believing in yourself is bolstered by nurturing self-compassion. This practice isn’t just a remedy for challenging times; it’s a crucial element for creating a passion-struck life.

In a world that often emphasizes external validation, remember that true confidence emanates from within. It’s an enduring form of validation that persists even when external circumstances are challenging. This internal validation is your compass in the storm, guiding you to stay true to yourself and your path.

And remember, the journey is not meant to be traveled alone. A supportive network plays a pivotal role in this path to self-realization. Surround yourself with people who recognize your worth and encourage your growth. Their support will illuminate your journey, making it not just a path to personal achievement but an enlightening expedition toward a deeper, more meaningful existence.

As you move forward, embrace your worth, cultivate your self-belief, and build a network of support. These elements combined will propel you towards your goals, enabling you to live a life that is not just successful but Passion Struck – a life where every step is a testament to your unyielding spirit and enduring potential.

To dive deeper into these concepts and solidify your journey towards conquering self-doubt, pre-order my new book and gain access to an e-book I’ve developed that guides you step by step in your quest to overcome self-doubt.

I also wrote about Shameflammation, which is essential for helping you learn how to identify and conquer your inner demons.

Thank you for taking the time to engage with my perspectives. May your journey be filled with joy, growth, and fulfillment.

As a new reader, please check my personal growth and well-being stories reflecting my reviews, observations, and decades of research and interviews.

The Power of Choice, Overcoming Traumatic Brain Injury, Reverse Aging, Significance, Optimal Anxiety, Person of Courage, The Power of Hope, Being Stuck, Curiosity, Awe, 5 AM Club, Strong Moral Compass, Psychological Immune System, Playing The Long Game, Drama Addiction, Trust Building Exercises, Taking The Road Less Traveled, Why Passion is the New Currency, Unreseasonable Hospitality, Five Senses, Digital Addiction, When to Quit, Effortless Perfection, Mental Immunity, Sensory Experiences, The Value of Struggle, Overcome Challenges, Victim Mentality, Anger Management, Gratitude, Vulnerability, Free Will, and the Power of Asking.

You might find more information about my professional background. You can listen to the #1 Alternative Health Podcast, Passion Struck, with John R. Miles. You may join Medium with my referral link to enjoy unlimited content.



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